I wanted to write you a long email so I could ask you why you just gone silent all of a sudden, but I stopped myself because I don’t trust my actions when I am too emotional. So I decided to put it here. In the box of letters I will never send you.
It’s been a month and twelve days since that last conversation we had where you revealed your hopes and dreams and your struggles. You were vulnerable that day, and I love that you were. I felt how you trust me. I saw your desire to make things better in your life.
I never heard of you since that day. Even after that well-thought poetic message I sent you to make your day brighter. It went unseen. The first two weeks of silence just gone by and I just thought you need that breathing space. So I stepped back.
Then you blocked me.
I felt confused. I still am. My heart bled that day. I did not know what else to do but to cry and ask God what did I do or didn’t do to make you act that way. I even went back to our last conversation. I analyzed my responses. I kept it light. Should I not have done that? Should I have acted a bit more serious? Were you offended?
On the other hand, I’d like to believe that you are just overwhelmed with everything that is happening in your life. I’d like to believe that this is one of your dark phases of the soul. I’d like to believe that the reason you blocked me is so I cannot see the masks that you wear…because you know that I know you, the real you.
I thought you trust me. I thought you feel safe to be open to me. But you ran away like a frigthened cat.
Not knowing that you didn’t actually run from me. You ran from yourself.
I don’t know how long will you hide. Or will you ever come back? It’s been a month and 12 days. It’s been long enough you might have moved on like I never existed.
I die a little each day from your silence. I miss you but I know I need to move forward and heal.