For one moment, I had a surge of doubt whether I am in a twin flame relationship or a karmic one. But I guess I am getting better with purging my triggers quickly.
We all know that feeling when we are triggered. It cracks our heart open and shows us the wounds that we haven’t healed yet. It’s too painful that we sometimes want to just throw this all away.
For me, my wound is “fear of abandonment/ jealousy”. Today, I got triggered real bad. My twin has a girl friend (a friend who is a girl) who is totally obsessed with him. They are actually best friends because of the many experiences they shared together (much more than I ever had with him in the 3D). She is always readily available for him and she would always post their escapades or inside jokes together in social media (highlighted the ‘she’ because she’s the only one who does that). Anyway, I know I sound ranting, but if you’re a twin, you know the feeling.
(As I was writing this, my twin texted an emotionless business-toned message. Again, another trigger. And my ego is puffing its chest out. Ignore, and continue typing. See, I’m in my 3D still. But I will get there.)
I cried some tears for a good twenty minutes as my way of clearing that out. And something in me told me to relax, and let go. I even laughed in my head as I thought we’re not even a couple so no need to feel this way.
But God, those heart-crashing minutes.
This very period, by the way, is that of the “union energy” and “letting go of karmic situations”. That is why a wave of doubt flooded me when I got triggered. It’s because my twin is with someone else, while we are still clearing out some financial matters together. So, I asked myself in tears, ‘Am I the karmic one and they two are the twins?’
What I did in that moment was to listen to my heart and my intuition. A karmic relationship only mirrors your shadow self. It is manipulative to the point of ruining you as a person but would also eventually lead to your awakening. What I have is a complete mirror of my self – the shadow and the light. My twin shows me the worst of me and the best of me, and from there I awaken to the knowledge of who I really am and what I need to work on. His detached nature actually mirrors mine, and him having a best friend who has a romantic inkling actually mirrors mine too. I crave for his energy because I know at the soul level that he is a part of me.
I met my twin long before I even learned about the twin flame concept. And I am grateful that it happened in that order. Our challenges, our unexplained connections (even telepathic), and the sense of familiarity is what led me to dig deeper. Thus, my awareness of my awakening journey.
For now, that is how my Higher consciousness reassured me. I am taking one step at a time. I am learning to ground myself even more and learning to heal my wounds. Breathe in, breathe out.